Funny Quotes. Lawyer's Jokes "The lawyer died and went directly to the Pearly Gates. Law Sayings and Quotes. These âlawâ themed pick up lines can help you score with people in the law and regulation field. You'll never look at a court â¦ St. Peter says to him, âYou only look about 45 years old.â âYes,â says the lawyer, âI just turned 45.â âBut our records say that you are 94 years old.â âOh,â responded the lawyer, âyou must have been looking at my billing records.â The court clerk sits over there. Your lawyer is warm, your lawyer is sympathetic, your lawyer makes notes on a yellow pad and nods in all the right places. These funny lines are real - Source Below! Check out these hilarious stories from lawyers and judges. Best Lawyer Story. The world we live in is not a safe place. ... Surf more pages for the funniest video clips, most hilarious jokes, most interesting facts,....., fun games, quotes, and more useful and beneficial content. ... Barrister, Solicitor, Attorney and Lawyer (and Notary Public!). Your enemies are his enemies. The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity. ... LAWYER: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics. Hit on law professionals such as paralegals, court house workers, and attorneys. Wisdom Quotes. âThis is where the judge sits,â I began, pointing to the bench. o Witness: "I only have one, you know." I'm a lawyer. WITNESS: I did. _____ o Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" See more ideas about humor, lawyer jokes, lawyer humor. Said by the bailiff when the judge(s) enter(s). ... Kevin Hart Funny Quotes. Most of the questions your lawyer asks are questions you can answer. > 12 TV/Movie Lawyer Quotes You'll Never Forget 12 TV/Movie Lawyer Quotes You'll Never Forget Some of the images are true to form; we really do work all hours of the night on cases when we need to and sometimes litigation can be as dramatic as the best television representation. Mrs. Hill, an Australian solicitor, entered the practice of law, wrote up a will for a testatrix giving a house to the testatrixâ neighbour and friend, a Mrs. Rona Van Erp. Sep 15, 2019 - Explore Sue Rhodes's board "Courtroom Humor" on Pinterest. Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. Your Honor, I can produce 500 people who didn't see me steal it. Take it, call your mother, and tell her there is serious doubt about you ever becoming a lawyer." Funny lawyer quotes in court keyword after analyzing the system lists the list of keywords related and the list of websites with related content, in addition you can see which keywords most interested customers on the this website WITNESS: I did. Explore 436 Lawyers Quotes by authors including Charles Dickens, Peter Diamandis, and Danny DeVito at BrainyQuote. -Criminal lawyer saying It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour. Thatâs why here I have come with some famous inspirational quotes for law students (on study or already a graduates) as well as for lawyers. LAWYER: Well, could you tell the Court what you saw? And if you can't your lawyer will help you find a way to do so, by God. Lawyers actually have a lot of fun doing what they do, and I should know. Here we take a look at movies with memorable legal quotes that resonate with the viewer for various reasons, from the truth of the statement to the comedic value. Q: Who provided you with the description? It was only a matter of time before this tripped up some lawyer, somewhere. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. These funny divorce quotes will free your brain from the strain, and let you laugh about your half of the split-o-rama drama. - Robert Smith Surtees; Whoever tells the best story wins. Discourage litigation. You say you're innocent, yet five people swore they saw you steal a watch. (In the US). A salesman was testifying against his wife in a divorce court. Funny Quotes. screenshot The Firm (1993): "I discovered the law again. The stock phrases and legal terminology likely to be used in any trial scene. Funny; Lawyer Quotes. A: No, sir, I didnât. But subsequently I observed someone running several blocks away who matched the description of the offender. LAWYER: On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse down the footpath to the cowshed? WITNESS: I did. Dumb and Funny Things Said In Court: The Scotland Chronicles. -Thomas Jefferson I decided law was the exact opposite of sex; even when it was good, it was lousy. Wisdom Quotes. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 â¦ COURT STENOGRAPHERS. This card is a print from one of my pen & ink drawingsâ¦ 10 Funny Judicial Quotes Grey Bitter / April 9, 2019 / Bitter by Numbers , Features Lawyer , Lawyer / 15 Comments Our Empire of Bitterness is proceeding full steam ahead. Please state the location of your right foot immediately prior to impact. One day I was showing a group of ninth-graders around. (Witness remains silent.) He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence. Court was in recess and only the clerk and a young man in custody wearing handcuffs were in the courtroom. - John Quincy Adams; A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. Funny Clean Courtroom Jokes . ~Robert Frost This is a court of law, young man, not a court of justice. There's a very fine line between delivering a monologue in a play and delivering a monologue to a jury. -Mortimer Zuckerman Whenever you wish to do anything against the law, Cicely, always consult a good solicitor first. âThe lawyers sit at these tables. I just heard it today that she doesnât meet the requirements and by the way the lawyer that wrote that piece is a very highly qualified, very talented lawyer. A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old law quotes, law sayings, and law proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. His lawyer said: âPlease describe the incident that caused you to suspect your wife is unfaithful.â The husband replied: âIâm on the road all week, so naturally when Iâm home I like to be with my wife. Some of the movies are based on true stories and others on total works of fiction, but all make for very interesting entertainment. Funny Quotations Divorce, Group 1 Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. 6 - Funny Lawyer Questions. HOW DO COURT STENOGRAPHERS KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE?_ These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. In the courtroom, it's where a lawyer really becomes an actor. Free Stuff. Imagine how everyone was obliged to remain calm and orderly during the exchange. Your lawyer is always on your side. Maybe the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ~Norm Crosby A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. -George Bernard Shaw Funny lawyer quotes: Here they come: There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. More Quotes on Lawyers. The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. "All rise!" Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his (no, that's not the punch line) to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to â¦ Persuade your neighbor to compromise whenever you can. 8 from a book: Disorder in the American Courts ... Court's Disorder. When I was a practising lawyer in the family court, there were too many judges who, when you left their courtroom, you didn't know whether you'd won or whether you'd lost. It is not intended to be legal advice and you would be foolhardy to rely on it in respect to any specific situation you or an acquaintance may be facing. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. These are actual quotes of what people said in court, word for word: Q: Did you see my client flee the scene? ... More funny jokes are listed on the left hand side or listed in the Jokes page. 7. Today, many courts will only do this twice a dayâonce when the judge gets on the bench â¦ Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth â¦ Order in the Court: It's time to party (blueish-green color) Order in the Court: It's time to party (pink wording) **PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WOULD LIKE THE COLORS OR WORDING CHANGED :) This hilarious birthday card says it all and is perfect for a lawyer or anyone in the judicial field. LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck pond? Make these pick up lines related to the lawyer profession to help you add some flirty spice into your life. The lawyer then asked Ronaâs husband to act as a â¦ Immediately before the impact, my right foot was located at the immediate end of my right leg. Funny exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in American courts. When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. 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